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To all LMA's friends and their families:
We send our heartfelt condolences to anyone who has been directly impacted by the events of September 11, 2001. We hear of many people (ourselves as well) who have difficulty regaining focus and moving forward. We have felt the need to offer whatever help is possible to friends, family, and all of our clients in this very challenging time. What comes to mind are some of the elements of Leading Yourself Through Personal Power (our term for Emotional Intelligence) in moving ourselves from trauma to normalcy.
An important thing for all of us to understand about ourselves and others is that we are all in a grieving process. We may be grieving for our loss of loved ones, security, perhaps even our whole perception of life. Each one of us experiences this in our own way.
One of the foremost authorities on death and dying is Elizabeth Kubler-Ross who talks about the grieving process as having a number of stages. Very generally speaking the first stage is denial and disbelief. Many reported feeling like the whole thing was surreal and we had to keep reminding ourselves that this was not a Hollywood movie. The second stage, anger and resistance, is punctuated by strong reactions that may come out at unpredictable moments.
It is normal to experience feelings like depression and loss of motivation in the first two stages. Many people feel down or depressed. One of the hardest things for us to do in these times it to keep ourselves from falling into the deep pit of fear. Some people have stated that the threat for them has not changed, that they have been expecting this for a long time. Others are frozen with fear about their future. Many want revenge. All of these are natural reactions to the events of 9/11.
The question at this point is how do each one of us handle this going forward and how do we help others handle our "New World"? At some point we have an insight that enables us to let go of the anger and resistance (unless we get stuck in one of the first two stages)! The insight enables us to move to stage three where we regain our motivation and begin to rebalance our lives. In the fourth stage we go to another level of commitment to the new understanding we have gained.
Each of the stages, and the experience of the entire cycle, will differ for each individual depending upon the extent and gravity of the circumstances. Always remember that grieving is healthy and necessary -- it can become overwhelming if we extend or overdo the process. Therefore, we recommend three critical pieces of self-management in the current situation.
First is to reduce negative input, which may mean shutting off the TV, radio, or Internet. Too much noxious stimuli can lead to short-term depression, which, among other things can interfere with the effectiveness of your immune system! It will also put a big dent into your ability to enjoy your daily life and effectiveness with others.
Secondly, access the positive aspects of your life. Think of something that puts a smile on your face and warms your heart. For example, the thought you use can be a fun or vacation time that you remember. You can pet your dog or cat. What gives this remembering more impact is to feel the energy or feelings of the fun time or place. Laughing helps a lot. Remember that the average 6-year old laughs about 500 times a day - the average adult about 16! Time to raise your average!
Hold to the positive thought without any doubts. Thinking about your child may put a smile on your face but if you follow that up with fear about your child's future then you pushed back the positive in favor of fear. The two seem to be mutually exclusive. Another way of holding positive thoughts is to have a vision. That means seeing a future. Imagine a new World Trade Center or living with a renewed sense of inner security or of hurt people feeling healed and whole again. Place that vision in front of you to remind you where to focus -- whether it is with a picture, a note -- again, whatever it takes.
The third piece of self-management is feeling and showing appreciation! Thanksgiving can be a powerful way of showing positive regard. Showing and feeling appreciation several times a day can be an important and sometimes not-so-subtle shift in your perspective! Once you manage your own perspective better, helping others can be easier because they will sense and know you have shifted! The caring we feel about each other is useful in this situation as it will tend to push the fear out. Once you are in better place and are more centered, helping others is made vastly easier. As Albert Schweitzer once said "Example isn't the primary way to change another person, it is the only way."
You can guide others toward their own self-management. We can't and don't want to stop anyone from feeling. We can help others manage their experience of fear by better understanding how people grieve and react to change, and how they get stuck. We can listen to others with empathy and not try to fix what they are feeling. Paraphrase feelings and fears. Then talk about positives and finding a positive thought. Help others see a future. Tell them what you appreciate about them.
The passengers on Flight 93 were heroes who took action to save lives. They obviously took this courageous action with a concern for the greater good and not for their own safety. Getting beyond ourselves seems to be the critical aspect in courageous behavior. We all need to honor their memory by taking up what they began by helping ourselves and others to make the small heroic choices in our everyday lives. And it is our calling at this time for us all to be heroes for someone. (Sometimes that could mean just for ourselves!)
Remember, the more we are paralyzed by fear the more we are doing exactly what the terrorists want. We are giving our personal power away to them and we are supporting their cause.
As Managers we need to be available to people. Leading in these times means more than ever making that personal connection. It means being present and grounded in our conviction that this is something we are strong enough to overcome. It also means finding an inner strength and resilience to face our own fears. Showing this supports others in finding their own courage.
Again our hearts and desire to help go out to each and everyone as we proactively move to create our "New World".
Sherri Malouf, President
Cynthia Smith, Vice President
LeRoy Malouf, CoB
